I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You can't just leave with hair like that
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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