her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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