I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So apparently I’m into choking now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
