You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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