Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
