hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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