Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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