Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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