it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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