i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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