Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
