I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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