FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
