If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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