So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I want a musical about memes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize