somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
