I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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