DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
