i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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