also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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