I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
