You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
