I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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