Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we're making bets on your personal life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
