I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
