I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize