Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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