Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
