Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
