I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
