you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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