We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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