he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
