addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
