dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
