Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
