Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So. Much. Porn.
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