Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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