i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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