is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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