I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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