my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
