I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
