dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
