Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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