so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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