I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
