You're completely useless in the revolution.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
