Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
