Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
