There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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