Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
