Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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