And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
