the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
did i just pee glitter
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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