I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
