ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
