I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
