bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I am morally bankrupt
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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