Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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