i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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