i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
