god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize