I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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