I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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