No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
