just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
