She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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